Monday, October 01, 2012

What We Learned from The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Part 1

Photo Credit:

  • Kathy has gone the way of Ashlee Simpson. Andy wasted no time probing Jersey's heretofore most organic housewife about her recent nose job and lip enhancements. It's not like we're talking Jenner-level disfigurement, but Kathy's made the mistake of robbing her face of all character by slicing her nose to generic proportions. I've come to realize how fond I was of Kathy's face now that it's gone. She had much character--the too-big eyes, that generous nose. Le sigh. And gone is the jet black hair too that always contrasted so beautifully with her baby toddler blues. Combined with plumped up lips that she says she got to balance the new nose Kath is dangeously close to looking like she wandered over from the Beverly Hills franchise.
  • Caroline Manzo, translator. Apparently we don't speak Jacqueline.
  • Introducing Me-Go. My new name for the bronzy, tawny haired J-Lo vibe Melissa Gorga is serving us with. I'm a fan.
  • What a difference a season makes. In the case of the Jersey Housewives it's an older, less attractive difference. Bygones.
  • You might be an ex-stripper if...Me-Go, listen. Girls who have never stripped say "stripper". Girls who are former strippers say "dancer". I'm just saying.
  • Green is the color of venom. For a woman who made their reunion show trademark accusing people of wearing colors that reveal their nefarious natures, Tre should have thought her choice of an envy green frock through. Whether she was calling Caroline an old hag or Saint Kathy a piece of shit, Teresa spewed poison (not her brother's kind) with reckless abandon. What is most remarkable about Tre is that her anger burns just as hot when she's accusing people of high crimes (Jacqueline set her up) or misdemeanors (Melissa totally copied the sparkly eyeshadow look she rocked at the last reunion show and Teresa isn't letting her get away with it.) 
  • Favorite Exchange. Rosie (going apeshit off camera after Teresa's negative comment about her and Kathy's deceased father): "She better watch her fucking tongue!" Teresa: "Who's yelling?" Kathy: "You know who's yelling." Stonecold.
  • Vocab Word of the Night: 


    A highly flammable sticky jelly used in incendiary bombs and flamethrowers, consisting of gasoline thickened with special soaps.
    Attack with bombs containing napalm.


  1. Can't wait for Part Deux when Rosie gets time on camera and Jacqueline tells Teresa she walked in on Joe with another woman on his desk--as Joe is sitting by Teresa's side! Oh snap.

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