Friday, July 31, 2009

Martha Introduces Us to Crack Pie & Cereal Milk...Mmmm

"The View" had Constantine from "American Idol" on today. I was entranced watching the interview segment because he looks like a nerdy vampire and that intrigues me. When it came time for him to start singing however, I ran for the hills. By "ran" I mean listlessly reached for my remote and by "hills" I mean the only other show worth watching at 11am, "The Martha Stewart Show." 

Today's Martha was a rerun, but I'd never seen it before. This is probably a good thing since it was all about this wondrous hipster bakery called Momofuku Milk Bar in NYC and being that this is well within my reach I'd weigh about 400lbs by now feasting on such "how could you do this to me?" masterpieces of death by caloric intake as something they've dubbed "crackpie" and fudge brownie soft serve. Crack pie's ingredients consist solely of sugar, milk and eggs and it's so goopy you don't even need to slice it but can just scoop it out with a spoon(!) as demonstrated by chefs Christina Tosi and David Chang.

Even better than that though is the fact that Momofuku sells something called cereal milk which is exactly what you think it is--milk that's imbibed with the essence of cornflakes. They explain how it's done, as well as how to make crack pie in this clip oh so helpfully provided by foodie blog Eat Me Daily. It's the most exciting thing I've seen all day.

There may be some of you who roll your eyes at this. Clearly you aren't a New Yorker. New Yorkers loooove shit like this. When you can pay money for something sort of ridiculous and indulgent AND made with organic milk from a local farm at a place with an asian name that almost sounds like they're saying something about your momma that also calls itself a "milk bar"--whatever that is--it makes our nipples hard. Truly.

Martha went on to make Momofuku's blueberry and cream cookies, which are essentially blueberry muffin tops in cookie form. I KNOW!, in studio with head chef Christina Tosi. You know a pastry chef has come to bring the pain when her cookie recipe includes straight up glucose. That's some hardcore cookie making. Watch.

The NY Times take on Momofuku Milk Bar.

TellyPhile Themesong Throwback!

I didn't remember Miss Molly, the Magic Mirror-wielding host of "Romper Room" during the 1980s when I was being made into a person, as being built very much like Janet Reno.

I did remember that she was TV's best kindergarten teacher ever. This is proven by how adept she is at unscripted banter with a pack of yogurt-fueled four year olds. Also, shout out to white tights with party dresses and to the little girl that comes in late and hides her face in Miss Molly's skirt as she's personally greeted with an enthusiastic "Come on in. How are ya?! Welcome to Romper Room!" by Miss Molly. We were always late and surely, that would have been my fate had I been lucky enough to secure a spot on RR.


p.s. - Molly mentions that they're going to have fun on their highsteppers. Remember those? I do because we never had shit in our house to make them out of, or apparently a willing adult around to help us procure the items needed...ahem...MOM.

Thankfully, we're adults now and can make historical wrongs right. You have the power to make your own stilts thanks to this handy step by step tutorial over at craft blog Zakka Life. And if you have kids of your own, here's your chance to break the stiltless cycle. Bygones.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

And In "Press Junkets That Will Come Back to Haunt You" News...

Newlyweds Bill and Giuliana Rancic insist that theirs is a marriage meant to last and their new reality show "Giuliana and Bill" will not be the harbinger of doom for their union that it has been for every other couple who makes their relationship the focus of a reality show (except of course for Rob and Big).

The Rancic marriage, built on a solid foundation of constant travel between Chicago (where "Apprentice" winner Bill spends his time) and LA (where Giuliana works as spray-tanned E! News vulture and Seacrest Sidekick), will stand the test of time. And when Bill and Giuliana are old and gray, they will smugly dust off this interview they gave during a recent press tour for their grandchildren and be able to say to the rest of us, "We told you so."

Oh, the Unmitigated Fakery of It All!

You'll definitely want to be Bravo bound tonight, Tellyphiles. The "Real Housewives of Atlanta" are back at 10pm EST (p.s. we'are also interested to see how Andy Cohen does with his live dishfest "What What Happens: Live" which will follow the ATL season premiere). There's a new hen, former Xscape member Kandi Burruss, being added to the brood and even better--Kim is still wearing That Hair. I had feared that once she saw herself on television she would ratchet her wig game up to something less...basic.

Perhaps Kim should ask NeNe for Wendy's number so she can find out where to purchase the good stuff and some key wig wearing tips. No one works a wig as unabashedly as our Wendy as she demonstrates below:

As Seen on TV: The Maturation of Maxwell

I don't know how you spell "fine", but my version starts with "Max" and ends in "well".

Absent for close to a decade, he's been making the rounds lately to promote his highly-anticipated album "BLACKsummers'night." Luckily for fans, "BLACK" is the first of a trilogy with "SUMMERS" and "NIGHT" to follow respectively.

I watched him on Letterman recently performing "Pretty Wings" and was struck by what a full-fledged man Maxwell has become. Gone was the reed-like guy with a lion's mane of an afro that we first knew him by when he came out of nowhere and sent us swooning during the mid-nineties with a suite of songs that was an ode to courtship and making love.

Maxwell returns to us with his age showing and it suits him well. He's smoother but less slick, no longer needing to compensate for a slim physique with a riot of hair on his head. He's all filled out now and those sharp tailored suits he's been rocking emphasize this perfectly.

Watch these three clips of Maxwell's television appearances over the years and note the evolutionary stages--from flashy newcomer to bohemian hipster to today's elegantly-styled soul sophisticate. The one constant? F-I-N-E!

Exactly How Bad Is It Getting at MSNBC?

There are those of you that actually have jobs, and so you're not at home as I am this afternoon to witness the latest journalistic integrity FAIL by MSNBC. There is, I kid you not, a "Beer Summit" countdown clock complete with a tri-beer mug graphic currently being displayed on the network's lower right hand corner.

As if that isn't ew-worthy enough, they've continued to opt out of having an actual reporter fill in for David Schuster alongside Tamron Hall to co-anchor their afternoon newshour. MSNBC is sticking with smarmy Hamptons barnacle and F.O.T. (Friend of Trump) Donnie Douche Deutsch (pictured above partying it up Hamptons-style) to play anchor at the desk.

First of all, Donnie D. barely qualifies as a television personality (he's host of the CNBC gabber "The Big Idea with Donnie Deutsch"), and they're crossing the line like this and making him a news anchor? But shouldn't he have umm...what's the word...oh right, credentials??!! Deutsch is a former ad man and bon vivant that likes to be on TV. This afternoon, Deutsch is really getting into the act, apparently challenging Larry King for the title of "Creepiest Use of Suspenders on a Cable News Broadcast."

Sigh. Cronkite is surely spinning Taz-style at this latest affront.