Friday, May 01, 2009

Purely Gratuitous "Gossip Girl" Pics

TMZ doubles down on their trademark unwashed brand with these Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr (aka Chuck Bass and Vanessa Whocares) pap shots. Pop quiz, TellyPhiles.What in the name of pale white backs is J grasping at back there? Looks like when it comes to the junk in his trunk, Ed travels light. XOXO

Guess Who's Coming to (the White House Correspondents') Dinner?

Photo credit:

Ah, the White House Starfuckers Correspondents' Dinner. DC is blogging in anticipation. Wanda Sykes, who hilariously enough happens to be a former NSA employee with security bonafides and everything, will be hosting. Far be it from me to hate on a time-honored celebrity-ensconced sitdown--actually that's not true, I hate on lots of things--but this time, my vitriolic tendencies (see, steady IV drip of haterade) is not the point.

The point is there's something deeply icky about journalists charged with covering the POTUS, sitting around and LOLing with him all night instead. If TMZ has taught us anything, it's that bad things happen when subjects get too close to their paparazzi. Chuck Todd is only a few strokes of the razor away from being Obama's Adnan.

Anyway, as you'll see from the guest list, there are definitely TellyPhiles in high places. The coolest ones have to be at the Atlantic for, as I posted previously, they've made the most out of their chance to invite a couple of bold-faced names to sit at their table:

* Atlantic Magazine: Ed Westick (Gossip Girl), Newt Gingrich *

Also noteworthy:
  • CNN is still under the regretful impression that Ashton and Demi belong anywhere other than Twitter.

  • ABC News gets points for being the least starfuckerish. Upon further consideration, they've invited half the White House A-list.  Totally inappropriate. Points withdrawn.
  • People has Jon Hamm of "Mad Men". My first reaction was...People??? Is there another People magazine I'm not aware of, one that employs actual journalists? I thought we were all agreed that People is pretty much picture pages for grownups, and not particularly smart ones. What? It's not like ever actually bought one. The other reaction I had was Jon Hamm, WTF? "Mad Men" is so chic, so masculine, so thoughtful. You deserve better than this. I say somewhere between the first and second courses you hightail it to the Fortune table and never look back.
UPDATE: The WHCD is on May 9th and usually airs on CSPAN. Go here for footage of WHCDs past.

TellyPhile Themesong Throwback!

Hey, hey, hey...something light to brighten a gloomy Friday.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Today's Show You Must Watch For Obvious Reasons...

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Kirstie Alley's first visit to "Oprah" since the bra+panties+spanx=bikini? appearance (and since Valerie Bertinelli looked way better in hers because, you know, it was an actual two-piece swimsuit and she realized the point is to lose weight on Jenny Craig).

Bridging the Racial Divide One Tacky Sectional at a Time

At the Red House. Screw Susan Boyle, this is a YouTube phenomenon I can sign up for. Praise be to, TiFaux for the find. The only thing that would make this better is if it were real. Happy lunchtime.

Kelly Bensimon's Most Seventh Grade Declarations

Photo credit: bravotv/nymag

Juvenile statements abound when "Real Housewives of NYC" Kelly "Kellamity" Bensimon starts talking. Here are some of my favorites:
  • Everyone wants to go out with Max, and Max wants to go out with me.
  • When we're together it's a total flirtfest!
  • He's having a pillow fight with me. Oh my God!
  • And then he was like and I was like and she was like. Lots of like. 
  • Oh, that's so cute. (in response to being told Jill's doing a charity event for arthritis because her daughter suffers from the disease.)
If you want more Kelly craziness may I suggest spending a little time reading her Bravo blog which I fully expect her to try to bind and sell at some point under the title "A Stunningly Disingenuous Account of My Alternate Reality."

On This Edition of Please Stop: White Anchors, Black Slang

Dear White Media Establishment,

Please stop trying to be "down". In the attached clip (via TV Newser), Kyra Phillips and T.J. Holmes engage in awkward post-segment banter following Holmes' report on our new President's "swagga". Sigh. When you guys co-opt these terms, things always go to a corny, uncomfortable place of no return as you can see when Phillips demands Holmes give her a fistbump. Kyra's unabashed glee was so the Mayor's wife in "Color Purple" when she forces asks Oprah's Sophia to be her maid.

Plus, when you pull this kind of thing it's right back to the drawing board for black people who have enough to worry about--how to keep from being "threatening" to white co-workers, what are we going to do with our hair. That kind of thing--without having to come up with brand new words and colorful turns-of-phrase to replace the one you just made officially over (see "bling").

P.S. - T.J., we'll take this up with you at The Meeting.

As Seen on TV: TLC on "Showtime at the Apollo"

The raw, early 90sness of this clip is fantastic. "Showtime at the Apollo" was still on the air and was a reliable source for dope performances like this one. You've got pre-glam TLC in their condom-adorned, baggy-clothed glory. Le sigh. What early 90s teenage girl didn't want to exude some of the crazysexycoolness of  T-Boz, Chilli and Left Eye? When my favorite member, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, died tragically on April 25th 2002, she took the 90s answer to The Supremes with her. Yeah, I said it! The Supremes!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

CNN Gets Grade Happy, Attains New Level of Cable News Inanity

Ah, yes. CNN couldn't wait to have a reason to get the old Election Get Along Gang together again. Begala, Gergen, Rollins, that Gloria woman, Roland "Chilly Willy the Penguin" Martin, Brazille--all the greats were back to grade the prez on this mostly irrelevant benchmark. I must say though, Alex Castellanos. You and your mustache were truly missed.

Understand, when I say they're grading, this means there are actual cards with big letters on them being held up by the panelists. Every time one of them holds up one of these ridiculous, essentially meaningless cards I hold up my middle finger. It's like a drinking game, except there's the repeated, muted expression of displeasure where the alcohol would normally be.

UPDATE: King is back at work at the magic map wall. Ready the holograms!

Olbermann Hosts Special "Countdown" In His Smoking Jacket

It actually appears to be a chocolate brown velvet jacket. A purple tie is also involved. So...I guess tonight the "Count" part of "Countdown" should be taken literally..ah ah ah! I'm not ok with it. Nor should you be. I keep waiting for him to offer me a coffin or worse a "nightcap". Shiver.

Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout, Willis? -- POTUS Edition

"I believe that waterboarding is torture. ...It was a mistake."

--President Barack Obama, having the balls to call torture exactly what it is during his 100 Day Anniverary press conference this evening. Legions of talking heads and assorted GOP goons have logged hours upon hours doing otherwise since the release of CIA memos detailing torture practices sanctioned by the Bush Administration.

Will MTV's "Bridge and Tunnel" Kids Ever See the Light of Day?

The LA Times' Show Tracker has its doubts so ST blogger Choire Sicha enthusiastically suggests we protest if MTV doesn't allow reality baby, "Bridge and Tunnel," past the development stage. Choire feels really strongly about this show which documents Staten Island kids whose lofty goal is to live in Manhattan one day. If you're not familiar with SI, aka The Fifth Borough, imagine what it would be like if Tony Soprano started his own colony. I'm just saying...

Guilty pleasure TV is what puts spring in my step so far be it from me to take anything away from her joy over this show, but I'm not getting why Show Tracker thinks B&T is "...a television show you have never seen, and may never see, that deeply scratches an itch you don't even know you have." MTV covered Staten Island aspirants for their "True Life" series from ago. So my Staten Island itch--and Choire's right, I'm not sure I do have one--has already received attention.

I did like Choire's take on MTV's new TRLesque summer show starring a British broad named Alexa Chung. Her eponymous show will air everyday as TRL did before it and will be Twitteriffic and Facebooked OUT! A pretty hilarious bit from the post:
Tony Disanto, MTV's programming dude, even said that "it's like if MTV and Facebook had a baby." FAIL. In the clip we saw, she grabbed Whitney Port's phone and texted something naughty to Brody Jenner. Oh, Eliza Alexa, what a fun friend you are! You're the kooky friend we never wanted.

Bonnie Hunt Thinks "Real Housewife" Kelly Is Ridiculous Too

That bite-sized clip of Kelly's typical ridiculousness jogging in New York City traffic made it onto Bonnie Hunt's radar. Perhaps K should have bedazzled that stolen owl design on her shirt with reflectors.

TellyPhiles of the Day

Barack and Michelle are my first TellyPhile(s) of the Day. Seems like a nice highbrow start, don't you think? This is how our President watches the Superbowl. Thanks is owed to Brian Williams who made himself useful on MSNBC this afternoon by referring me to where, in honor of the President's first 100 days, they've posted a smorgasbord of photos from the White House Photo Office.  
Note the Obama Administration's smooth manipulation of the media spectacle. This is what the White House has to say about the images:
Bolding mine. "Exclusive", "unique", "massive". The White House PR people are better than Us Weekly.
Oh, and's slideshow is cool I suppose, but it turns out I like my propaganda Flickred. Hellooo, you get captions.

100 Days of Swine Flu

A quick surf around the cable news channels this afternoon returns the following highly scientific results:

100 DAYS!!
100 DAYS!!
THE PLANE, THE PLANE!! (Man, Brian Williams is pissed!)
100 DAYS!!!
Arlen Specter? ARLEN SPECTER!!!
100 DAYS!!!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Jill Zarin, Your Newest CNN Pundit

Ok, so Roland Martin is hosting "No Bias, No Bull" and it looks like he's trying to do his own version of "The View" with a five-woman panel this evening. I took one look at the red-head and thought for sure I was hallucinating. It finally happened. I've watched so much Bravo that I now think every middle-aged woman I see on TV is one of the NYC Real Housewives.

But no, I was right. The panelist in question, unable to get a word in because of a camera hog sitting next to her, was indeed Jill "Kick his ass, Wayne!" Zarin.

Her parting words of advice for the segment which appeared to be about advice for women regarding love and money? "Full disclosure going into a marriage. Everything-- financial, personal." That's funny. I expected her to say something like "Spend, spend, spend!"

Video when it becomes available.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Bea, We Hardly Knew Ye

CBS Sunday Morning offers their tribute to Bea Arthur, one of the funniest women television has ever seen. As usual, they get it right.

"Real Housewives of NYC" - The Cartoon??!!


Patti from "Millionaire Matchmaker" gets the same treatment and it's just as good if not better. Extremely NSFW. What are you waiting for, sissy? Break out your earbuds! By the way, the talented creator of these animated shorts, KCSCougar, lives on this YouTube channel.

Familiar Faces in Different Places - Tom Colicchio Edition

What's it like when "Top Chef's" strong, silent type judge Tom Colicchio speaks at length? Charlie Rose knows and now you do too.

Bonus clip: Here's Tom doing more of that talking thing as he shows off the secrets of his Craft.

BeWeave It or Not, Oprah Provides Pic To Prove Hair is Hers

For those of you who are like me and find Oprah's evolving hairstyles to be one of your favorite things to ponder while getting your daily dose of O, this is the picture you've been waiting for.

In response to her newly acquired Twitter followers, she actually calls them "tweeple" (sigh), Oprah says her hair is all her own so knock off the weave-themed tweets. The Divine Ms. O was apparently so bothered by all the compliments on what the Tweeters assumed was her new weave, she was willing to go sans makeup to prove what her natural hair looks like. During the final seconds of her show, Oprah flashed a picture of what she says is her pre-pressed hair.

Impressive move, Winfrey. I was sure you were weaving it up with the best of them, but this picture has me shook. It does indeed look like real hair, though I would have been more convinced had you gone without that root-hiding headband. Could you have been sporting your own hair all this time? Until Stedman rights his tell-all, I suppose the world will never know. Bygones.

Video here (via HuffPo).