Wednesday, April 01, 2009

You Can't Keep a Good Countess Down

On her Bravo blog, TellyPhile's favorite Countess, Luann, keeps it short and sweet but proves no one can deliver a politely-worded DISS like the Countess:
Mario was insulting to Jill and her work, and there was no reason for that. It showed a side of him that was very unpleasant. He must have had a bad day at the religious boutique, as he appeared to be frustrated. He took it too far and did not behave like a gentleman.
I second that diss. Insert golfclap here.

ABC's "Better Off Ted" Makes a Liar of Me

I was wrong. It would appear that ABC is capable of producing watchable--dare I say a hit?--sitcom after all. "Better Off Ted" is proof that someone over there does in fact remember laughter.

I do too and I couldn't stop laughing out loud while I watched last night. BOT is most definitely in the offbeat, breaking the third wall, "Arrested Development" vein which makes sense since EW's Ken Tucker reports in his accurate review that it's produced by the guy behind "Andy Richter Controls the Universe". I never got around to getting into that show, but the image of Andy outfitted in a coat of live puppies will be forever etched in my brain.

BOT All Stars include: Portia De Rossi, who picks up where she left off on "Arrested Development" as ruthless corporate ice queen Veronica, and the best pair of nerds on TV since "Freaks and Geeks" Lem and Phil. They've also cast a great little girl to play Ted's daughter/conscience Rose. She's got that Dakota Fanning "who were you in a past life?" thing going on. Precocious but not in an obnoxious, creepy way. Jay Harrington as Ted isn't bad either. Actually he's better than isn't bad. He's good. A perfect straight man to offset all the quirk. He's kind of cute too. As you'll see in the promo below, "Better Off Ted" nails the morally-suspect "technology" based corporations we're drowning in these days that think they're fooling us by putting wind farms and a Coldplayish soundtrack in their commercials. Three cheers for sitcoms as social commentary! New episode tonight at 8:30pm EST on ABC.

Breaking: Bethenny Talks Kellamity

This just in, ReWi NYC Housewife Bethenny has taken to her Bravo blog to discuss last night's Kellamity. Big ups to commenter Dana for the tip. You're disgusting!

P.S. - Working on my take on all that went down. That was some crazy shiz.

Whoopi Wardrobe Watch

Some have said Whoopi's ensembles on "The View" have resembled that of a lesbian grief counselor. Others (see Stacey London) have said other things that made the normally easy going Whoop breathe fire and use the best pairing of "anonymous" and "bitch" as a diss since...ever. What's a TellyPhile to do? Keep a log.

Top: black, long-sleeved sweatshirt (?) with a large multi-colored peace sign emblazoned in the middle of it

Bottom: straight leg jeans

Shoes: shell toe kicks

Wanda Sykes Getting a New Gig

Huffington Post tipped me off to this Broadcasting & Cable exclusive. FOX is giving Wanda Sykes her own late night talk show. The plan is for it to start in the fall or January on Saturdays at 11pm. It will be more like Bill Mahr's "Real Time" than a typical late night show format.

This is the first time since Fox's failed experiment with Joan Rivers that a woman, and a black gay one at that, will be hosting a late night show on a network. I'm liking this. Wanda's so good on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "New Adventures of Old Christine". And I love how she reinvented her whole look with that blonde afro and cool jean/blazer combinations. She and Ellen are definite lesbian fashion do's. Besides that, television is in desperate need of true funny on Saturday late night. SNL's tired monopoly might be over at last. You heard me right, Lorne. Step off!

Here's Wanda at work from her special "Sick and Tired". Clip is NSFW so bust out the headphones or chloroform your boss. A tellyphile's gotta do what a tellyphile's got to do.

STFU! Luann de Lesseps Getting Di de le Vorced

 Photo credit: nymag

HometownHollywood drops a bomb with news from PageSix that Luann and her Count have split.

Apparently it was because of 1 (ah, ah, ah) Ethiopian woman. It's late. I'm sorry. I get tired and my comic sensibility reaches for favorite muppets. In all seriousness, I do feel badly for Luann. What kind of self-respecting European blueblood actually leaves his wife for his mistress? Oh hello, Prince Charles. Didn't see you come in. Bygones.

Luann was my favorite "if you say so" royal. And this after her little history lesson with Kelly on last night's episode in which she explains that Napoleon wanted to make The Count's ancestor The Duke of Suez.  (Is all this shiz Wikiable?) No matter, LD, you'll always be the Countess of My Heart. Ramona was right. He is old. Get yourself an Ashton and be done with it.

UPDATE: PopWatch digs in.

UPDATE II: Let the Countess blogwatch begin.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I'm Chuck Bass...

So don't sass me, Pretty Boy. Especially when I'm rocking red pants.

Go to gossipgirlinsider for more great on-set shots.

Gossip Girl Grease

Photo credit: gossipgirlinsider

Which couple that emerged from the rubble of last night's annoying "Gossip Girl" was most wack/random/not who we want to see together at all! ?
  1. Chuck & V                                                                                                                                              
  2. Nate & B                                                                                                                                                                
  3. Serena & D: as in Desperation. (P.S. - someone needs to introduce S to the wonders of the ponytail, a french braid, one of B's headbands. Anything that will make her look less golden retrievery.)

Have You Heard? Disgusting is the New "Fierce!"

Don't cock your head to the side like that. I heard it on Tyra so it must be questionable at best  true.

Seven Strangers Four More Times

Four more seasons of the reality show I cut my teeth on says EW. The next season is going to be in Cancun. Come on. Really? So, you're just going to hook them up with IVs of booze when they walk through the door, right? Cutting to the chase. I can respect that.

Here's some Real World alum goodness from Yahoo. Dan from the Miami season has a blog. You're welcome.

Jay Manuel Also Victim of Tyra ANTM Makeover

 Photo credit: teamsugar

According to NY Magazine's fashion blog "The Cut," Mr. Jay's Puerto Rican gay Tinman look is intentional. Jay says he took the metallic plunge at Tyra's urging. This doesn't surprise me, since most of the fucked up things I see on television involve Tyra. Yesterday for example, she spent the last few minutes of her talk show torturing the latest ANTM rejects by pelting them with giant balls under the guise of giving them a shot at photo shoot redemption. She's a cruel mistress that one.

Things I Loved About Oprah's Visit to the YFZ Ranch

On yesterday's "Oprah Show", The Win traded the safe ensconcement of the Harpo Compound Studios for the tweezers-challenged Yearning for Zion Compound.

You'll remember them as the Mormon sect that had all their babies snatched by the federal government because their leader is creepier than Mr. Carlson in that disturbing "Different Strokes" molestation episode, and allegedly likes to marry 12 year old girls. Also the ladies rock out in decidedly un-glamish prairie frocks, refuse to do anything about their caterpillar brows and are bumpin it with the best of them via these really crazy, plaited Priscilla Presley meets Patsy Cline meets Princess Laya hair don'ts. Oh and they like to kick it "Big Love" style with sister wives galore. So yeah, imagine the terrific, visual weirdness of ALL THAT with Oprah mixed in. It was TV utopia. I get a little choked up thinking about it.

Here are some of the things that filled my TellyPhile heart with glee:
  • Oprah's false eyelashes. So long, so lustrous, so inappropriate outside of a television studio. Yes!
  • Seeing O in her casual wear and ponytail. It's like the first time you see one of your teachers wearing jeans. Who knew?
  •  Alpha Oprah. Oprah and the YFZ spokesman are conducting an interview outside and it's raining. In the first couple of shots, the spokesman, a tall hunk of a man, is holding the umbrella over both of them. By the last shot, Dame O has wrastled the umbrella away from him. The camera angle is such that you can see all of the rain drops that have pelted and dampened the man's back whilst Oprah remains nice and dry, fully sheltered by the umbrella's ample arch. Diva!
  •  O finds out that the wee YFZs aren't taught anything that isn't batshit crazy "doesn't have a purpose" and this includes fairytales. Oprah comes up with a new parlor game, "Ask a WeeZee," in which she asks the YFZ youngins way too many times if they know this fairytale or that popular cartoon character. Turns out, "Ask a WeeZee" gets a little tedious because the answer is always "cricket, cricket". Growing tired of her game with human pawns, as royals often do, O decides to shake things up a bit and posits whether or not they've heard of Shrek. When as usual, the children only fidget uncomfortably in response, she ventures, "Shrek 2?" LOL Oh, Oprah, you condescending kidder, you!
  • Unlike Lisa Ling who runneth over with Anderson Cooper-style gravitas when she did her "Oprah Show" special reports about YFZ, Oprah kept it real. She asked if it was true they hated black people, how the sister wives kept from clawing each other's eyes out and said stuff like "Let's eat, ya'll."
  • Oprah says that her idea of heaven is fresh baked homemade bread. Me too, Oprah. Me too.
  • There's a sitdown with a handful of teenage girls. O asks, "Are you allowed to date? Do you know what date means?" Looks like they do have sarcasm at YFZ because one girl pipes up: "You can date your papers!" Yes! I'll take "Mormons who DISS" for 200, Alex. A little "WeeZee" retribution. Be careful though little Chloe Sevigny. Don't incur the wrath of O, or she'll send you to her girls' school in Africa and then you'll really know what sexual abuse is...allegedly. I'm sorry, Oprah. Please don't take my blog.
  • She asked about the hair! You got to give it to Oprah. She knows how to ask the question we all are thinking without making her subject feel like they're being insulted (even if they are a little). That's the stuff TV empires are made of, folks. UPDATE: Video via HuffPo
  •  Oprah is asking about the Amish prom dresses they all like to rock out in. One girls says that though they may look uniform to outsiders, to them their dresses all look different because of subtle variations. The girl explains they'll often admire one another's Amprom and ask "Where'd you get your dress?" Oprah laughs in their faces before she responds, "Really??" Oprah: The Original Meangirl.   
  • Oprah (still on the dresses): What do you swim in?/The girls: Our dresses./ Oprah: You don't get very far do you? Real nice, Alpha Oprah. If they didn't like black people before, I bet they love us now. UPDATE: Here's the video via Huffington Post.
    I can't wait until she interviews that other strange tribe of white people-- the Palins.

    ABC Still Incapable of Producing a Cool Sitcom - Part II

    In response to commenter Tut's query about whether it's possible for a brand new show to jump the shark, I say yes on the grounds that ITM isn't exactly a brand new show. It's only new to television. ITM is actually based on little webisodes that Chelsea Handler, Leah Remini and another chick that got replaced by Jenny McCarthy (boooo!) in season 2. You can watch on YouTube.

    Because I'm oh so helpful in your quest to not get any work done, you don't even have to click. Here's one of the funnier ones I've seen posted right here for your procrastinating enjoyment (Still a little "on" for my taste, but I it's way better than ABC's cheesy do-over. Why didn't Chelsea and Leah star???):

    Monday, March 30, 2009

    That Weird Ikea Lady

    I love her. Finally, an heir to the "Where's the beef" lady throne. If you're unfamiliar:

    And because when you're unemployed, you have too much time on your hands, here's an article from way back in 2008 about the lady behind the advertising magic. Or you could just leave her mystique in tact. I only skimmed. I learned the perils of doing too much online research after I found that blog about Jon and Kate Plus 8. There are some links best left unclicked. Seriously, click with caution.

    ABC Still Incapable of Producing a Cool Sitcom

    Funny don't come easy. Try to force things, and it becomes even more elusive. This is not a very deep thought about comedy, but it's one that apparently has yet to occur to the producers of "In the Motherhood" (Thursdays, 8pm), ABC's latest attempt at forced, thirty-minute hilarity. It's comedic vibe reminds one of that near-fifty woman in your office, who is constantly assaulting everyone else with inappropriate jokes (especially about sex) in an over-the-top attempt to prove how irreverent and "with it" she is. The more hardened and sarcastic she behaves, the more uncomfortable it gets for everyone else, until suddenly you'd do anything to avoid the breakroom. "Maybe if I leave the Lean Cuisine I brought for lunch out to thaw, I can go without microwaving it," you think to yourself. What's so great about hot lunch anyway?

    And so it went as I shook my head through the premiere episode, dismayed at the misuse of a cast with so much potential. The show revolves around three women--Jane (Cheryl Hines), Rosemary (Megan Mullally) and Emily (Jessica St. Clair). Make sure you have your annoying-stereotype belts on, because away we go! Jane is a recently divorced working mom of a preteen and baby. She's the Every Jane all done up for TV. Like most of us Every Jane works in an office, but it looks cooler than any office you or I have ever worked in, ditto her cutesy office girl wardrobe and the wise-cracking "manny" she employs. I never thought I'd say this, but thank Belvedere for Horatio Sanz. Sanz is one of the few things working for ITM, though, I'll have to see if I keep liking him as much in episode two. I was sort of in awe of how different he looks now that he's dropped the weight. I'd seen stills before, but seeing skinny Horatio in motion, plus the full beard. The obsessive people watcher in me was absolutely riveted. Plus, his is the only character that feels like something we haven't seen before, or at least not in a good decade. Danza, can you hear me?

    Please Stop: Oprah & Tyra Show Edition

    Dear Oprah & Tyra Show Producers,

    Please stop brazenly biting off of each other. Maybe you figured that because Tyra's demographic is teen girls and O's is everyone else with breasts, the copycatting would go unnoticed. It hasn't. You underestimated that tendency thirty-year old women have to cling to their youth.

    The show swapping was admirable at first, when in the wake of the Chris Brown/Rihanna thing, you both did shows that aired on the same day, devoted to educating teen girls about domestic violence. Ra ra sisterhood and all that. However, what started as an experiment in daytime talk synergy has creeped way past the ridiculous mark.

    You guys are swapping guests and show topics like bodily fluids at a skank slumber party . Tyra does a show on the straight girl turned gay girl phenomenon, Oprah does too. O has Steve Harvey on to tell the straight girls sticking with this guy thing what we're doing wrong, and you'll never guess who was dishing out love and dating do's and don'ts with Tyra the next day. Not cool, guys.

    If you're The Tyra Show, you don't want us comparing what your girl does to Oprah. It's so Pier 1 to O's Pottery Barn. Wicker vs. Winfrey? That's never a good idea.

    As Seen on (French) TV: Yael Naim Does Britney

    Good morning, TellyPhile. It's Monday. There's a lot wrong with that. Thank goodness the Internets is here to make it all go away.

    Click play below and wonder no more what Britney Spears would be like if she was a dark-haired French chanteuse that gave haunting live performances of her dance hits. Yael Naim you're not only a "New Soul", but a brave one. Do you like Y's cover or prefer Brit's?