Saturday, March 14, 2009

Friday, March 13, 2009

Jon Stewart to CNBC, "I'm Just Not That into You."

How much do I love Jon Stewart, television's lone bullshit slayer? His Royal Blogness Andrew Sullivan helps me count the ways with clips of Stewart's greatest "I call bullshit" moments.

With the surgical precision of a pre-losing-his-shit McDreamy, Stewart deftly explained to a queasy Jim Cramer exactly why CNBC is guilty of journalistic malpractice. Cramer mostly took his lumps with brief attempts at using the "hey, I'm just an entertainer" defense. Armed with clips of Cramer's hypocrisy, JS promptly shut that down. One wonders how the same segment would have gone had Rick Santelli, an actual CNBC journalist, been in the chair.

What made the exchange one of the greatest moments in tellyphile history is Jon Stewart's bare-knuckled, unflinching honesty. We are so rarely treated to that in a television culture where even our reality shows have become scripted parodies of real life. Jon proved that an honest exchange, even when it's brimming with outrage, can be well-mannered, thoughtful, reasoned.

I'm talking too much. The interview, unedited, speaks for itself:

Part 1:


Part 2:


Part 3:

Thursday, March 12, 2009

As Seen on TV: Paul Does Stevie



And now a tellyphile lullabye courtesy of Mr. Paul Simon. This is from the Gershwin Award tribute to Stevie Wonder's greatness. PBS aired it a couple weeks ago. The song is "If It's Magic". Grab a tissue, you might find yourself tearing up. I did.

Cramer and His Big Balls Visit "The Daily Show"



As much as I loathe CNBC personalities, golf clap for Jim Cramer for having the balls to go on "The Daily Show" tonight. He had to know that this was a mental sparring match for which he'd be ill-prepared.

Huffington Post has the straight dope here. ABC News gets in on it too. Watch for yourself at 11pm tonight on Comedy Central. Will post video as soon as it becomes available tomorrow.

UPDATE: This Huffington clip of Martha striking fear into Cramer's heart about going on "The Daily Show" is a good appetizer for tonight's main course.

Whatchu Talkin Bout, Willis?

"He never hit me, but I would say there were blows to my spirit."
-- Tyra Banks on today's live dating violence themed "Oprah" sparked by the Chris Brown and Rihanna awfulness. How long do you give until the "Free Ri Ri" tees?

Editor's Note: "Whatchu Talkin Bout, Willis?" will be a regular segment of notable quotes heard on TV. If you hear someone say something noteworthy, send an email to tellyphile@gmail.com. Thanks, guys.

Rock the Vote: TellyPhile's Most Annoying Anchor Poll

If you look to your right, you'll notice I've put up our first ever poll. Very exciting. In case you haven't had the pleasure of being driven mad by the inanities of these geniuses at the mic, I've helpfully provided clips of each to help you make your final deduction of who, in fact, is the cable news anchor begging to have their mic revoked.

Contessa Brewer (MSNBC) -


Fox and Friends Gang (FOX)


Rick "The Twit" Sanchez

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

It's Suri San!



Photos via: huffingtonpost

Ok, so this isn't exactly TV-related. However, we all got to know Katie as Joey on "Dawsons" so let's just go with that flimsy logic and enjoy these Suri in Japan shots. Thanks, HuffPo.

TellyPhile Tip: Keep clicking through to the leopard print flats closeup. She's giving Shiloh and Z a run for their money.

Oh yes, the other picture isn't a shot of Tom with a rent-a-date, it's the latest in Katie hair news. They were taken the day after the shots with Suri were. Looks like she's either using some sort of Scientology miracle grow or K's sold out and purchased some (pretty nicely done) extensions as an alternative to her signature short cut. Britney, take notes.

It looks fine, if not ordinary. Everyone needs a little change up. What say you, masses? I hope she goes back to her fashion forward NYC look. K&S have been the fashionista Mommy 'n Me team I heart the most. If she gets too weaved out, that might change things.

As Seen on TV: "The View" Goes GaGa



"The View" has been one long, relentless Disney informercial this week since they're live from Disney Studios. Snore.

The one thing that perked me up a little, though I'm still not sure what I think about her, was Lady GaGa's performance yesterday. I like that her ensems are reliably of the "fierce pants-deprived space ho" variety. She seemed to be singing live which impressed me for such an electronic club song. Also, for some bizarre reason, we were treated to POVs from the "Sherri Cam". Why they would give their most midgety co-host a camera I couldn't tell you, but I'm always amused at this show's ability to keep their wtf-quotient at a maximum.

Ashlee Simpson to Speak Again!

Photo credit: charliefm

Ever since Ash took up with that wee little Wentz dude she's been totally dissing. When we first met via her teeny bopper MTV reality show we couldn't get her to shut up. She was the gravelly-voiced, mall-punk, generously-nosed alternative to Jessica's, well whatever it is that Jessica does. Next thing we knew, she apparently exchanged her soul for someone else's face. No more approachable Skipper Simpson. Ash had gone full-on Barbie. This was all well and good. If she felt she needed the new nose, so be it. I just wish in her deal with the devil (See, Dr. Rey from "Dr. 90210") she'd hung on to some of that spunk she used to first ingratiate herself upon us.

Maybe some of the old Ash flavuh will return in her new role as country bumpkin sex kitten on the latest, wiggity wack '90s remake The CW has in store - "Melrose Place: Condemned, but Not Forgotten". Details here via EW's scoop king Ausiello. I didn't really watch MP the first time so I have no idea if outrage is called for, but Aus says Ash's character is going to be the equivalent of the original MP's Sydney. Cool? So not? What say you, tellyphiles?

Hmm, country bumpkin sex kitten. Do you think she'll follow Jess around for research?

I don't set out to be mean. It's just what happens when I talk.

Wanna Be on Top?

Photo credit: thecw

Then learn to waste time at work quietly. In honor of one of our must-DVR shows for this evening, "America's Next Top Model", I bring you this fierce at-work time waster. Happy clicking!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Who Cares About the Snuggie...



When you can Bumpit!!! Not you, Amy Winehouse. You've had enough bumps this go round.

Cable Meme of the Day!

"Multi-tasker In Chief". WTF, why's Obama doing more than one thing at a time? Now he wants us to think about education reform?? Dude acts like he's President or something.

Other stuff they can't stop talking about:
  1. Madoff pleads guilty to 11 counts. He could get up to 150 years.
  2. Cain and Step-Abel. Drew "Wife, what wife?" Petersen's stepbro says he helped him carry a really heavy container. D'oh!

Bravo "Housewife" Accused of Pulling a Chris Brown

I told you she was mannish. Bravo's newest (and formerly dullest) NYC Housewife allegedly decided to spice things up a little. This from Huffington Post:

Kelly Killoren Bensimon, 40, was arrested in Manhattan last week on a misdemeanor assault charge after her 30-year-old ex-boyfriend Nicholas Stefanov told police she assaulted him.

Killoren Bensimon surrendered Thursday, two days after the alleged assault. A misdemeanor complaint says she hit Stefanov with her fist in her apartment.

Kelly says the charges are as false as a "Bachelor" ending . Who cares about that? What jumped out at me was the part about her ex being thirty years old. A brute and a cougar too! Somebody call Ray J.

ABC Puts "Bachelor" Loser Melissa Back on the Ho Stroll


Photo credit: tvgasm.com

Never underestimate the vampiric sensibilities of television producers.

When you're an ABC producer, there's no reason why last week's bawling "Bachelor" beauty can't be this week's "Dancing with the Stars" dancing queen.

I can't believe the size of the balls on these people either.

Rycroft, along with former Heff Ho Holly Madison, were the two surprise contestants who stepped up to replace sidelined sorta-celebs Jewel and Nancy O'Dell of "Access Hollywood".

Last night's two-hour premiere was my first full-on exposure to DWTS. I was struck by the following:
  • Between this show and "American Idol" I no longer have any grounds for the belief that American television is somehow superior to whatever that guy is up to on "Sabado Gigante".
  • Samantha Harris is a pro at awkward backstage banter.
  • If you are a male ballroom dancer, it is imperative that your shirt have no buttons on it. And the chest that coyly peeks out at you from betwixt the parted satin? Hairless.
  • There is another realm besides child beauty pageants in which spray tan and sequins make the world go round.
What were some things you guys noticed about the show? Are you happy to see Melissa with a new gig or do you think she should have told ABC to go eff themselves?

Discuss, superstars, discuss!

UPDATE: Here's a nicely edited piece I found via CelebTV.

Martha Stewart, Pothead



The first 1:30 is television gold. Enjoy.

In Case You Missed It : "America's Next Top Model"

Photo credit: cwtv.com

Last week, I fell off and never quite got around to the premiere of "America's Next Top Model". Thankfully, the crew at Jezebel.com is holding it down with their astute coverage of Tyra and The Jays' two-hour Carnival of Cuckoo. Choice Quote:
As Tyra and the two Jays whittled the 34 ladies down to 21, Tyra called certain models "odd" and "alien." She meant it as a compliment, but what is more out of this world than Mr. Jay's silver scrub-brush hair?
Don't forget to watch tomorrow (8pm, EST, The CW). Two words: makeover episode.Yes!

Joe Scarborough's Got Beef w/ Jon Stewart

Photo credit: nymag.com

It's always amusing to me when people who are supposed to be members of the media put themselves on the same level as Jon Stewart. They're really confused by Stewart. Sure he's a comedian, but doesn't he play an anchor on TV just like they do?

This morning on MSNBC's "Morning Joe", host Joe Scarborough invited CNBC minstrel Jim Cramer on to ask the question: what, exactly, is Jon Stewart's problem? Why in the world has he been making jokes at CNBC's expense? So it turns out they're not so good at economics. Big deal!

The real bad guy in all this, Joe Scarborough so helpfully points out, isn't CNBC, it's Jon Stewart! It's that edit-happy ne'er-do-well Stewart that's been "cherrypicking every little mistake over the past eight years". And now because Bush is gone, "CNBC is enemy #1 of the left, the angry left." Joe-Bo went on to point out that he bets if we put a camera on Stewart 24 hrs a day and edited it down to all the bad parts we'd have one humdinger of a blooper reel.

You're right, Joe. As someone who remembers the 1990s well, Jon Stewart has definitely had his share of unfunny moments. Luckily, no one's 401k hinges on whether Jon Stewart's bombed. Can the same be said of CNBC's disastrous financial "reporting"? Yeah, not so much.