Saturday, March 07, 2009

On This Edition of Please Stop...Cable News & Twitter

Dear Cable News Anchors,

Please stop plugging the fact that you're on Twitter every chance you get. I know you and your producers think it makes you sound really cool, but the very fact that you sweat it so much, only serves to quicken the rate at which it becomes so not.

Just look what hackers did to CNN's resident goofball Rick Sanchez. Oh Cable News, will you never learn?

Editor's Note: "Please Stop" will be a regular feature addressing TV's most irritating trends. If you see a trend that must be stopped, email me at

Jill Scott is HBO's Newest Leading Lady

When it comes to singing, Jill Scott's bad (I mean that in the negroidian sense of the word). But can she carry a TV show? HBO thinks so. Jill is the star of "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency", which premieres March 29th. According to Buzzsugar, the seven-episode series is an adaptation of Alexander McCall Smith's book series about the only female-run detective agency in Botswana. Jill plays that female and is supported by Anika Noni Rose, formerly of HBO's much-loved series "The Wire".

I was really excited when I read Buzzsugar's post on this, slightly less so after watching the video promo. Not that it looks awful, but it just doesn't look grab-you-from-get-great. It could just be one of those series you have to be immersed in to fully appreciate.

Still, I will watch because it's different. I'm always a proponent of television shows that strive to give us something other than another safe, cookie-cutter knockoff of what we've already been watching. Yes, that would be directed at you, NBC. You should be ashamed of yourselves. A pint-sized powerhouse of funny like Poehler deserves an original premise, not "Office" droppings. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, watch:

Friday, March 06, 2009

"Gossip Girl" Spinoff Casting Finally Gets Good

Photo credit: ninemsn

When last seen, Andrew McCarthy was doing a poor man's Big on "Lipstick Jungle". Bygones.

All is forgiven since Andy's is the first interesting name to be added to the "Gossip Girl" spinoff roster. Thanks, Hollywood Reporter.

The bad (and depressing news if you grew up watching him play "The Guy" in eighties movies. "Mannequin" anyone?) is that our boy's going to play "The Dad" to Brittany Snow's young Lily Rhodes. The fiercest casting ever would be if they dusted off Demi Moore to play mom. I smell a "St. Elmos Fire" reunion.

I know she doesn't look anything like the old bird that plays Lily's mom on GG, but come on, this is The CW. It's a little late in the game to start caring about casting integrity at this point. Demi, time to wean Ashton off the teat. You're going to Hollywood!

Brad's Congress Face

Photo credit: huffingtonpost

This is the fantastic, "can I go now?" Congress-face Brad Pitt was sporting that I talked about in yesterday's post. It's ok, Brad. When Nancy Pelosi starts talking, I feel the same way. To further ogle pictures of Brad's time in DC under Nancy rule, HuffPo's got them here.

"Seinfeld" Cast Reunites for "Curb"

Photo credit: jossip

File this one under TellyPhile wet dream. Huffington Post reports via EW that the cast of "Seinfeld" is going to be on several, yes, several, episodes of Larry David's "Curb Your Enthusiasm".

Either this is going to be impossibly good comedic television or the show is going to jump even further over the shark than it already did when Larry "died" a couple seasons ago.

Which way do you all think it will go?

Theme Song Throwback

What's up, guys. It's Friday and you know what that means--okay, admittedly you don't because this is the first time I'm doing it in a long while and I just decided I wanted this to be a regular Friday feature. My belabored point is....It's time for the TellyPhile Theme Song Throwback!

You smell that? It's that heady nectar called Nostalgia, my friend. Don't breathe it in for too long. One wrong turn and you'll find yourself on the Avenue of Broken Dreams, a crumpled sobbing mess in your cubicle. Or so I've heard.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

MSNBC's ADD Afternoon, Chooses Brad over Bush

This is pretty hilarious. Oh to be a fly on the wall of the control room. MSNBC started out with live coverage of the Barbara "PigHeart" Bush press conference and then jumped to the White House Press Briefing with Bobby "Beeker" Gibbs. Then!, when they realized they were missing Frmr. President George Bush, Snr. losing it live, they jumped back to that presser.

Don't get comfortable, viewers! Brad Pitt's on Capitol Hill. As the cameras greedily clicked away at the best looking person to ever walk the halls of Congress, Brad said something about how much Katrina sucked. Very brief, looks very uncomfortable. Then looked like he wanted to bolt immediately after he finished speaking. Not so fast, pretty boy. You're Pelosi's bitch now. Nan and Congressman James Clyburn kept Poppa Pitt in front of the cameras to milk the photo op for as long as possible. Brad continued to look like Angelina was going to beat him when he got home. And just like that, it was over all too soon.

So what did we learn this afternoon, tellyphiles? No one on cable news cares about a blubbering old dude, even if he used to be the Leader of the Free World.

Rachel Maddow, Tall Lesbian, Visits "The View"

Photo credit: huffpo/abc

I haven't been able to find any video yet, but Rachel Maddow was part of a really good day on "The View". Today's guests also included my new favorite TV badass Glenn Close. If you haven't been watching "Damages" (FX, Wed., 10pm), you're falling off. Change your DVR record list or head to Hulu immediately.

Back to Rachel. What a surprisingly great appearance! It was a little bit "bring your lesbian to work" day at first with Bahbwah making Rachel stand to show everyone how freakishly tall she is. Who knew? I always thought of Rache as my own personal liberal Tinkerbell-meets-Peter Pan. The seating arrangement, as things usually are on "The View", was awkward. The table looked really crowded and they wedged Rachel in next to Elizabeth. E apparently had a "ladies who love '80s hip hop" luncheon to attend after the show by the looks of her excessive neck bling. Less is more, Lizzie, less is more.

Rachel charmed the ladies with tales of her recent TV stardom, her coming out, how she met her partner, and her endearing unglamourousness. Oh and I think Whoopi admitted to being bi when Barbara teasingly asked her if she was coming out to them due to a question she'd just asked Rachel. Whoopi's reply went something like, the door to that closet was opened a long time ago. Shiver...but I didn't want to open that door.!

Even when I thought it was going to get, you know, all squawky and "View"like once the conversation finally made its way to politics and the stimulus package, Rachel kept it light, reasoned and civil which led to Elizabeth also being civil. She even gave Elizabeth a friendly shoulder pat at the end. I was agog.

Paging Keith Olbermann, you could learn a thing or two from your protege.

UPDATE: Hooray, HuffPo! They've got the video here.

"Daily Show" Delivers Mighty Smackdown Upon CNBC

I've been apalled at CNBC's role in the economic shitstorm we find ourselves in presently and the rest of the media's unwillingness to call them on it. As I became a regular viewer of "Morning Joe" during the campaign I quickly realized CNBC "reporter" Erin Burnett was the Wall Street equivalent of those bar room shot girls that have the balls to say they work in "marketing".

And then last night, like a sensibly-suited, sarcastic superhero, Jon Stewart used his comedy show to do the journalistic heavylifting yet again. Watch as he addresses the jaw-dropping hypocrisy of one Mr. Rick Santelli and the rest of the CNBC get-along-gang. Money quote: "I find cheap populism oddly arousing." Brace yourselves, thinking people, this is like nipple-hardening good.

Where the Boys Are - Tom Brady's New "Entourage"

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I'm a sometimey watcher of "Entourage". However, people with penises are big fans of Vince and his merry men, so here's to you, guys (and possibly the newest NYC Housewife. Did you see her in those riding pants last episode? I'm just saying.) There will be a new boy on the block, or the green as it were, when "Entourage" returns says E! News:
Tom Brady may have just become a husband to Gisele B√ľndchen, but he's also about to become a member of an entirely different union as well.

The handsome football star is set to appear on the next season of HBO's Entourage, which will film next week in Los Angeles.

"He will be playing himself at a celebrity golf tournament," a HBO publicist tells E! News.

If Tom's rocking those form fitting football pants, I'm there.

As Seen on TV -- Charles Hamilton (Last Call w/ Carson Daly)

Good morning, TellyPhiles! Something pretty major happened this week. Finally, after umpteen years of head-scratching bewilderment, Carson Daly's inexplicable bug-eyed longevity on television was given a purpose. His "Last Call" smartly has been doing special "On Location" shows this week featuring the hottest, up-and-coming artists you've probably never heard of. Charles Hamilton was one of them.

According to Mr. Daly during the interview segment which you can see here, Hamilton is part of "Hip Hop 2.0". I'm not sure how qualified Carson "TRL" Daly of all people is to make that kind of assessment, but despite Carson's endorsement, I have to admit, the boy is bad. I found his passion at the mic hair-raising and three cheers for rappers with (very dope) live musicians behind them. Even better is Hamilton's interaction with them, especially with his stellar guitarist.

TellyPhile Tip: Hang in there for the last few minutes of the clip when he starts riffing off of Kanye's "Flashing Lights". 'Ye, I know you feel the breath of this newbie on the back of your neck.

Editor's Note: I'd like to make "As Seen on TV" a regular feature. So when you see televised musical goodness, let a tellyphile know! Email me:

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

"Top Chef" Reunion Reminder, Watch Adulterers Squirm

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The "Top Chef" reunion is coming on tonight at 9pm est. Prepare to spend another hour trying to pin down what it is exactly that makes ever-present Bravo reunion show host Andy Cohen so annoying. Is it that orgasm face he tends to make when asking a question? I just don't know.

I do know that the producers should totally make Hosea and Leah wear scarlet A's on their chests. There were some things those wacked out pilgrims had exactly right. p.s. It should have been you, Carla! Though I suppose it would have been too much to ask for the first black POTUS and Top Chef all in the same year. Bygones.

STFU!! Blair vs. Georgina?!!

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Good luck, Chuck. By the looks of this picture via PEOPLE's TVWatch, you're going to need it. Young master Bass will be venturing into Dan Humphrey-tested waters when ghostly skank Georgina Sparks (Michelle Trachtenberg) returns to "Gossip Girl".

PEOPLE seems to think Blair may have reason to be shaking in her Louboutins since it was B's dark arts that sent Georgina packing. They can't be serious. There's no way corny Georgina can put her grimy paws all over B's Chuck like that and walk away unscathed. Remember, tellyphiles, hell hath no fury like a Waldorf scorned.

And just because I'm mad about you (and Chuck Bass) here's a little GG something to tide you over...xoxo A

"Gossip Girl" Spinoff News

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Ok, so I'm admittedly late to this. Word on the lines via EW TV news scoopmeister Ausiello is that Brittany Snow is going to play young Lily in that wack "Gossip Girl" spinoff the CW is trying to cash in on about totally '80s Rufus and Lily. You know, before they spawned the characters we actually care about.

Come on! Brittany Snow? And the yawns just keep on comin'. Maybe her pal, Rumer, will get tapped to play Rufus.


Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Jimmy Fallon Isn't Made of Total Suck

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I'm as surprised as you are, but I didn't hate the guy last night. At one point, I even started pondering whether Jimmy Fallon, in his new role as host of "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon", was in fact sort of cute in a jittery way. When you inspire inexplicable attraction in skeptical female viewers, you've got to be doing something right. What follows is my breakdown of Jimmy's debut hour.

THE GOOD: The dark suit was impeccable. I love a well-dressed late night host. Some people dissed the curtain but I liked it. You historically aware tellyphiles will recognize it for the Carson homage it clearly was. The bit with Conan in the intro worked. The Roots are a triumph. Having them as house band is probably the coolest, most breaking-the-mold thing about his show. It really makes him seem like a new generation of late night host. Oh, and they also contributed to the strongest part of Jimmy's monologue, "Slow Jam the News". See for yourself...

And even though it was a hair too showbiz for my taste, Fallon BFF Justin Timberlake saved the show from the all out wackness it descended into once Jimmy took the desk. Plus, ya'll know I love any mention of John Mayer (if you have any recent pics of his latest hair, send them to

THE BAD: Having De Niro as a guest. Why? Or to further that line of thinking, why have De Niro on as a guest and then script the life out of it? Did you learn nothing from Letterman's exquisitely awkward parlay with Joaquin? You should be taking notes, young Fallon. You gotta let some shit ride.

THE UGLY: The bumbling mess they threw up there for the music segment who claimed to be Van Morrison.

What do you guys think? Will you watch again, did you watch at all?

In Case You Missed It..."Real Housewives of NYC" Edition

Photo courtesy: nymag/Gillian Laub

If you, like me, were pissed that the "New York" magazine article that sparked Jill's Cindy Adams-assisted revenge against Alex and Simon in the new season's first episode, somehow slipped past your tellyphile radar, then have I got some blogariffic afternoon delight for you, sweetums.

Mad props to writer Amy Larocca for so adeptly capturing the essence of Al and Si's creepy narcissm.

p.s. - doesn't the photo of the van kempens at play on their patch of bk green remind you of a bargain basement, fun house mirror version of that Brangelina "W" spread from ago? I love it!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Is It Just TellyPhile?

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Or could out-of-work ex-porn queen Mary Carey, now featured on VH-1's "Sober House", easily find work as Katherine Heigl's replacement on "Grey's"?

Don't keep pissing off those writers, Katie, or the cancer they've just diagnosed Izzie with could just as easily turn into a bad case of the skanks. Mary looks ready for her closeup.

Quick! To Your Television Sets!

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Conan and Lipton are making funny for the next two hours on Bravo's "Inside the Actors Studio". Or you could just look out the window at the snow and not laugh. The choice is yours, young tellyphile.