Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Dumb and Dumberer - Tyra Meets Levi

Photo credit: star magazine

Overall, Levi Johnston's much-hyped Tyra appearance was almost as big a disappointment as Oprah's snoozer with Star last week. I had anticipated a redneck scorned, eager to give up some worthwhile Palin dirt. Instead the emboldened Levi of my TellyPhile fantasies was replaced by a wooden, sweater-vested "Sling Blade" impersonator. MMM HMMM.

To see for yourself, Gawker has clips here.

Everyone's acting like Tyra got the scoop of the year by browbeating Levi into admitting he and Brisol didn't always practice safe sex. I don't know how big a revelation that is considering Tripp exists. More interesting to me was Levi's sister Mercede and the usual carnival of awkward that is a Tyra interview.

Where to begin:
  • Why didn't Tyra ask her about the "s" that should be at the end of her name? It's MercedeS! I know they probably don't see many of those in Wasilla, but come on. I hate when uneducated people force the rest of us to sound as unintelligent as they do by putting it on official documents like birth certificates.
  • Make sure you watch the second Gawker clip. In it, Mercede shows off her "Levi" tat. It's huge and written across her wrist. Admittedly, I'm no expert on the tattooing practices of rednecks, but I have watched enough "Maury" to know that tattoos like that are usually reserved for lovers and progeny. Deceased friends/relatives may also apply. Levi is stiff, but he's still breathing. Mercede kept saying that Bristol was jealous of Mercede's friends that used to date Levi and that's why she didn't want Mercede around baby Tripp, but maybe it was Mercede and Levi's incestuous intimate bond that made Bristol nervous.
  • Levi's mom, Sherry Johnston, looks a lot like Bristol, only methier. 
  •  Girls who persist in rocking highlights like Mercede's always fascinate me (Kate from "Jon and Kate Plus 8, take notice). There's something in this breed of woman that latches onto a regretful trend and--decade be damned!--refuses to unleash it from her (usually) acrylic-french-manicure grasp. Also, I wasn't watching on the best TV, but I swear M was wearing lipstick and eyeshadow that matched the hot pink of her dress exactly. I'm betting the Tyra show makeup people are more to blame for that than she is. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

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