Thursday, May 15, 2008

When Chris Matthews Attacks...

For any of you fools who missed "Hardball" tonight boy are you going to rue the day you made fun of my cable news addiction. It's for moments like this that I hang in there. Conservative radio show host which is like fancy people talk for "blowhard", Kevin James, got his ass handed to him by the HHIC (Head Hardballer In Charge) Chris Matthews. That'll teach you to try and pull a Sean Hannity on Matthews' watch, son. There's only room for one uninformed ass on these airwaves and Sheriff Matthews is going to see to it they're all confined to FoxNews.

Imagine if Chris used his considerable hardball powers for good all the time. Jimminy. I just got goosebumps.

UPDATE: Fighting starts at 4 minutes in. Pay close attention at 6:40secs when James gets in touch with his inner soul sista and starts jerking his head around Shanaynay style. Yes!

UPDATE2: If you're at work and can't play video, my favorite HuffPost blogger Jason Linkins gets it done with a transcript here.

The "Anatomy" of Good TV

If you're not watching "Grey's Anatomy" right now, you should be. This season continues to be the comeback story of the year.

Truest dialogue of the night:

MEREDITH: Are you in the dark place?



Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

Cate Does Cannes

Cate Blanchett at the 61st annual Cannes' opening ceremony. She just had a baby four weeks ago. I on the other hand have never had a child but have been struggling since I was eleven to lose the baby weight. Where are my Spanx?

The Seacresting of America

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Really, America? Really??

America's Next Top "Juicy Booty"

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So last night was the "America's Next Top Model" finale and that lardass Whitney won making ANTM history as the first plus-size model to go all the way. Ratings were the best of the season. All you BBW's don't get your XXL bloomies in a bunch over the lardass remark. Homegirl is a size 10 which makes her a waif in a lot of those states in the middle where corn is its own food group.

Anyway, I wish I felt a little more "empowered" or "gave a shit" about this victory for juicy booties everywhere, but instead I don't feel anything at all. That could also be due to my not moving in the past two hours. But I digress. Last night's finale, was a total letdown. This year should have been hot. The final runway showdown was going to be a Versace affair. Versace? Holy fashion gods! But perhaps because it was under the art direction of my favorite Tacky Rican Jay Manuel it was too fabulous. Too much glitter, too much tacky. The gowns were okay but you couldn't really see anything. Think about it. Isn't "Project Runway" and even "Full Frontal Fashion's" comparitively basic white set design a far better way to see which model is the fiercest? And that was another problem. Neither of final two was very fierce at all when it came to knowing how to get their stomp on. Anya's walk was more of a scurry and Whitney's wiggle, though thankfully more authoritative, wasn't much better.

As is usually the case, Tyra and her panel were operating in a parallel universe of perception. They kept talking about Whitney's immense beauty and about what a bombshell she is. And I loved how they kept trying to assign this alter ego thing to her. What is she Cybil? The only thing they got right was when Tyra said to Whitney when she was selected to be one of the final two, " you're not a nice girl are you Whitney" or something fucked up and weird like that. All I saw was a watered down Anna Nicole with to' up extensions. But then this is the same show that takes the experiment in real-time airbrushing that is Mr. Jay seriously. Me thinks I doth expect too much.

And P.S. -- if ya'll wanted a juicy booty which seemed to be last night's buzz words, you would have been better served to pick Toccara -- the juicy bootiest of them all.

TV Theme Song Hall of Fame

In honor of our first inductee, we do the dance of joy!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

CBS Gives "Old Christine" New Life

CBS is combatting the ick factor felt by friends of funny across the TV universe when ABC made the mind-boggling decision to renew their half hour crusade against comedy more commonly known (and i do mean common) as "According to Jim". The Eye is picking up the "The New Adventures of Old Christine" starring Julia Louis "Curse Shmurse" Dreyfuss. Look for it Wednesday nights at 8pm as lead-in to new sitcom "Project Gary". So much for the widely held belief that the network "had soured" on "Christine". Lead-in positioning like this points to some confidence in "Christine" does it not?

Or maybe it's a case of CBS not wanting ABC to have a chance at getting their clammy, desperado hands all over it since ABC was reportedly laying in wait to snatch up "Christine" for 22 epis if CBS dissed and dropped the show or tried to sell them short with a low epi order.

TellyPhile for one couldn't be happier. The fact that you've got networks fighting over "Old Christine" is excellent news for women in comedy. Here's a show, much like the Elaine character in "Seinfeld" that offers a refreshingly different version of being female. It says women can be just as antisocial, weird and overall Larry Davidy as the rest of ya and we don't have to look like Roseanne. Here's to not-so-nice girls. What the fuck are you looking at, pops? You want some of this? Let's go!

AM Radio: For Frank

Both of them.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Fraggle Feature

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So now that I've got you in a Fraggle state of mind, allow me to knock your socks off with a doozer of a story. Okay, no more Fraggle lingo puns. The dope from is The Weinstein Company (run by the dynamic brother duo that brought us Miramax before Disney stole it from them) has decided to use their considerable filmmaking might for good, planning a live-action Fraggle Rock feature film. The original Fraggle-maker, The Jim Henson Co., is on board so it looks, at least in these early stages, like the project is legit. What could possibly go wrong you ask? Ahmet Zappa is listed as the projects executive producer. The last time I heard anything about Ahmet Zappa--and the fact that I've even heard of him is because I'm a really good listener--he was hosting a bad MTV gameshow and divorcing Selma Blair. Apparently, Ahmet aka "Mighty McFearless" he wrote a book for kids that a couple big studios wanted a piece of so he has exhibited some form of talent other than being born with a famous rock surname.

At any rate, now today's kids will have tangible evidence of why our 80s childhood was so much cooler than theirs. Radish stick, anyone?

AM Radio: Fraggles Rock

As I watched this video, I realized that my former boss bears a striking resemblance to the Gorgs.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Bill O'Reilly Is a Pleasure to Work With

Ok, so I've been postless all day. Not good. However, I'm pretty sure I was with the only person that reads this blog on a regular basis, so that lessens the egregiousness of it just a little doesn't it? At any rate, please accept this amaaaazingly delicious piece of tape of vintage Bill O'Reilly as part of my humble apology for being such a negligent blogger.

Least surprising thing about vintage Bill O': He's not exactly what you'd call a "people person".

Most suprising thing about vintage Bill O': He used to have a neck.

Gobble gobble.