Tuesday, January 29, 2008

"Real Housewives of Orange County" Reunion

Photo courtesy: tvguide.com

Tonight at 9pm EST on Bravo, the "Real Housewives" reunite for one last chance to burn each other at the stake--I mean, celebrate their friendship--and the season that was. Up for discussion will be Lauri's wedding, Jeana and Vicky's frenemies issues, and whether or not something of Quinn's is real. I really hope they're not wasting time talking about whether the boobs behind that bad mom cleavage are authentic. Of course they are. Who would pay for that? Oh and Jo is also supposed to make an appearance. Listen, girl. If you haven't served up your ridiculous existence for my entertainment all season, you can't show up at the reunion for what we all know is your attempt at promoting your new life as a "recording artist".

In honor of the ladies, every time one of our well-maintained divas makes a thinly-veiled catty remark, inject a shot of Botox "Pulp Fiction" style into the heart of the BFF sitting closest to you.

When TV Worlds Collide: What's Sergio Doing on "Tyra"?

Photo courtesy: usatoday.com

Home sick and in my delirium find my remote pointing towards "Tyra". UPN is always dangerous television terrain. I should have known better than to go anywhere near it in my weakened condition.

But what's this? File this under "When TV World's Collide". Tyra's doing some weird, half-baked social experiment (as usual) and me thinks the bespectacled 6'3" 300lber going on about how he wants a woman who he won't have to share clothes with is none other than the "unusual" homeowner from last Saturday's "Trading Spaces" premiere (pictured center, above). That's right. It's Sergio! We knew Sergio was a rare bird when he broke one of the basic rules of TS and tried to get a peak (see stalk his ex wife...allegedly) at the new design of his budoir. Now this Fat Joe standin has the nerve to say he wouldn't roll with a fellow plumper? Sergio, those in elastic waistbanded houses should not throw twinkies, my friend.

Say What?!!: Paige Returns to "Trading Spaces"

Photo courtesy: nydailynews.com

A few years ago, the coolest uncool show to be a fan of was TLC's "Trading Spaces". Sadly, that all changed a few years ago when they canned the woman who was the heart and soul of the show, host Paige Davis. Things quickly devolved from there and the show fell into permanent sucktitude. Live and learn, or get rid of the dumbass producers who would commit such an egregious error in the first place I suppose, because Paige is back, bitches!

That's right, tellyphiles, your eyes weren't deceiving you last Saturday night. Immediately following the Miss America Pageant or as I like to call it the "Are Women Still this Needy? Show", Paige's bubbly mug was beamed into our living room and it was like taking a time machine back to 2005. There she was, requisite short & spunky haircut in place, happily chirping the rules to the homeowners just like the good ole days. "Trading Spaces" purists will be happy to know that perky Paige isn't the only "old school" part of the show that was brought back. That cheesy theme song, dada da da da!, the 1,000 budget to do one room, and the designers you either love to hate or love to love were reintroduced to the "Trading Spaces" faithful.

One interesting new twist--homeowners no longer have to be next door neighbors. The season premiere featured ex-spouses redecorating each other's bedrooms. AWK-WARD. Next week, a brave woman redecorates a room that belongs to her mother-in-law. I'm all over it.

Producers played it smart and kicked things off with veteran "Trading Spaces" designer badasses Doug Wilson and Hildi Santo Tomas. Where the roster of designers employed by "Trading Spaces" as of late was as bland as beige, Doug and Hildi are a breath of personality-infused fresh air. Doug is a complex mix of dandified city slicker with just a dollop (or two) of ego and the devil. He's the perfect snotty, sarcastic ying to Paige's upbeat, effervescent yang.
And what can you say about Hildi? She's still fabulous. Still comes with that vaguely European air of reserve and disdain for the mundane entreaties from her suburban homeowners who naively persist in asking her to do something a little more approachable--a design that doesn't require the nailing of a couple thousand rubber rings to a couple's bedroom walls for instance.
I shit you not, people. Black rubber rings were everywhere. The end result was a room that looked like it'd been caught in the net of a fisherman who'd been trolling the Sea of "Hell to the Naw". It was deliciously ugly-beautiful, vintage Hildi. I'm not ashamed to admit, I teared up a little.

Next week "Trading Spaces" airs at its regular time - (TLC) Saturday, 9pm EST.